To be or not to be…real

It’s beautiful day! I stroll in to work and immediately engage one of my co-workers in conversation. After exchanging a few how are the kids? and what are you doing for Spring break? she asks me how I’m doing. Instead of responding in the same predictable, avoid-the-truth manner, I begin to really tell what is going on in my life. It felt a bit odd, but good, I’m not sure why I did it, but I did. The co-worker was polite and somewhat surprised as I gave a detailed account of a situation that was really bothering me. As I finished my story she said to me with understanding eyes, “Marc, I know it will all work out.” With those words I felt alive and I wondered why is it so hard to be real. Thomas Merton, the great 20th Century contemplative, has offered a possible explanation—there is a true self and a false self. The true self is the self that seeks to know and be known by God and the false self is the self that is shaped and influenced by our culture and environment.

The false self today dominates American life. There are few connections between our true self and our interactions with the culture. In fact, unreality has become reality. For example, what use to be free is often the most expensive thing you can buy—where the most bizarre activities are now considered normal—where busyness is preferred over relationships—where media messages are so powerful, and our solitude so rare, we don’t have the capacity to know the difference except…for moments.

A few years ago, a teacher friend gave my wife a “think different” poster of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. These posters were part of an advertisement campaign for Apple Computers. They were given out free to schools. Last week you would have had to pay $100 to get one on Ebay. Well, maybe that’s real supply and demand at work, but what about a snowball from the recent snowstorm in Texas that went for $92? You could buy a Bible for $10, but maybe one that was chewed up by a dog would sell for $50. Did you see the golden globe awards? I liked Jamie Fox’s acceptance speech for best actor in the musical “Ray”. He lead the audience in a Charlesque style hey, hey, hey echo thing, and then thanked everyone—especially his agent ($$$)—more talking— but then, remembering his grandmother, he tearfully thanks her revealing the real force behind his success. Why is it so hard to be real except…for moments?

Our true self is mostly discovered in moments of silence and reflection. But because most of us in America don’t value this inactivity, it is the unexpected event or circumstance that brings us to reality. Like my fortuitous conversation, or Jamie Fox’s speech, or the outpouring of aid to Indonesia, these events stir our hearts, and for a moment connect us with the truth of our being. What would happen if we could for a moment, add a moment to be real?